t o n i s h a

FROM A LONG TIME AGO...

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:53:24 GMT

Over the years, I watched my friends packed their bags and headed away from home. While I stayed, prayed and hoped with all my heart that my turn would come… soon.

I’ve always wanted to be one of them. I shed tears countless times, begged God with all the angels, saints and my fairy godmother (desperation made me believe I had one) to grant my ultimate wish. For someone who grew up with a sheltered life, but was not spoiled, I believed real life was ‘outthere’.

Back in high school, I took the UPCAT. First choice was Diliman and Cebu next. I was put on the waiting lists for the two campuses. I decided to choose Cebu not only because it was closer to my heart but also for the reason that I was geographically closer to it. Due to ficklemindedness and lure of Xavier University to include me in the honor’s program, I ended up in the good ole town and took the course I never thought I’d take.

I found my self in the company of wonderful, diverse people. Then came the time when some wanted to find their own ways and
moved away.

It wasn’t easy seeing a friend leave for Ateneo because we were starting to be very good friends then. After awhile he came back and we, the dudettes, celebrated the return of a good friend. Manila did so much for VJ. He was no longer as shy yet mysterious still. I said to myself that someday I’d have my taste of ‘outthere’.

After graduation, Kakay found a job that allowed her to travel almost every corner of the country. I secretly prayed that I’d get the same opportunity.

Ricric shifted to a non-IT job and I wondered what it was like to be, uhm, different.

When Shelley left for Makati, I was thrilled and I remembered all the long hours we spent talking about life strategies we’d take to make it outthere sooner. I later realized there’s no such thing as life’s short cuts.

I know Chui would survive anywhere his fate would take him.

I have to admit I was quite surprised to know that Candice and Chitgoks survived the crazy world of Makati. She, in all her girlyness and grace, proved that indeed she’s a tough one. He, the rich lad from our town, braved all the things he hated (the distance from family, bad traffic, heat, etc) and loved (girls... and more girls).

Those who remained back home succeeded in their own ways. Except probably me. The one who always felt she was left behind. However I consoled myself, I still wanted to get out so much. Albeit a lot of beautiful things happened but the desire never left me. I put so much pressure on myself. I became an unhappy individual. I had fights with my parents, the long distance relationship got nowhere. I thought things hit rock bottom for me and I was crushed. Nobody knew how much.

I recovered soon. I approached each day differently. I was no longer desperate. No more tears. No more wishing for short cuts. Just constant prayer and resumé update at Jobstreet (yup, it works yah know).

Then the opportunity came when I was already able to appreciate things more.

During the job interview, I was told I was perfect to be based in my hometown. I said NO with a sweet smile and went on with my speech on why I belong somewhere else. I heard myself say “hey girl, where did that come
from?”. Luckily, the company vice president was convinced to send off to far off place after five days.

And that brought me to Cebu. Here I am. In my 20s, neophyte in living an independent life. I thought I knew enough about life but hell, I was so wrong. This is a dream come true but ain’t a bed of roses. Looking back I made myself proud. I survived the two-week training in Manila by myself (some friends were there to help me thru). When I got here, I had to survive the culture shock, crazy work schedule, the daily van rides to the
office, the new sleeping habits and some lunatic officemates.

It’s been months since I kind of inherited my cousin's house. Now I wash my own clothes, cook whenever I want, clean the dishes and the entire 2-storey house, spend my own money for grocery, water and electric bills, watch all the Chinese movies I love, go home late at night, wake up and sleep whatever time I want, do plumbing, gardening (a little of this. My garden is such a mess, I swear!). And the best part was to walk about the house naked (lol).

At the end of the day, I’m usually tired and I think of the other friends who live far away from home. I often ask my self if this is all worth it. Are my friends not tired of working their arses out yet? Have they ever thought of going back home? Is ‘out here' as cruel as they told me? Are they not burnt out yet? How far can they still go? I get
physically worn but I love the independence. I think it’s still better than living a life of princess at my age. I know now that independence is selfish by nature. But I know I have to do what I love to do than be home and grow old not realizing what I’ve always to do.

Since I got here, I missed my loved ones’ birthdays back home, got lost and found myself in the opposite side of the town, stuck on a bridge during one cold night, got sick and pretended to be alright even if I had to crawl my way to the restroom, decided to live a non-luxurious life (choosing to buy instant noodles rather than a whole
good meal), had my eye lashes curled for free (I didn't know there's such thing), met and almost fell for a flight steward (who later turned out to be a total fag. that biatch!), realized that I’m allergic to Tide Ultra; that detergents make my palms rough; that Ps 2.50 a piece of banana is expensive (damn I always get them free from our farm), that there are some instant noodles covers that can light up when heated with microwave; that I have to have the aircon cleaned every 6 months; that some plants don’t need to be watered daily; that Baygon really kills those filthy roaches and I can go on and on. The saddest part is not being with my family faces some ordeals. This is price I’m paying for the life I chose to have.

So what happens now? My father told me since I haven’t saved much for working hard for years I might as well quit and do something with what what our family already has than making a amous Chinese usiness icon even richer. He thinks it fair for all of us if go home soon. We’ll see.

I am happy where I am. I now get along better with my equally lunatic officemates, I hang around my good friends from Cagayan and I love handling bigger responsibilities at work. I think I’m staying for a while.

on moving out and moving on...

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 20:51:31 GMT

DRAFT

I know I lied when I told a lot of people I only started living alone just recently. This is something I often tell new friends. Only when I trust them enough that I confess the truth.

I’ve been living on my own for almost 3 years now. That’s since my cousin, Wing, left for Manila to enjoy the comforts of his own condo unit. The big 2-storey house became my second home. It was scary at first, especially when I heard unusual creepy sounds in the middle of the night and when my stuffs (actually, just the undies) disappeared and reappeared in certain places in the house.

The house was perfect for someone as “autistic” as me. It was my perfect escape when I was feeling antisocial or wanted to enjoy being alone and unseen (read: walk around naked). I refrained from inviting friends over, especially guys because when they know I live alone, they always have something else in mind. Trust me on this. I’m not being presumptuous.

I thought I would be enjoying all the perks for just a year but I over-extended my stay. I was too lazy to look for a house, scared to lose the bond with my relatives (and miss their free food and internet connection on weekends? No way!) and looking for the perfect house/roommate was difficult.

I once wondered what would trigger me to move out. Then sad news came. My relatives from the US were bringing home my critically ill uncle. I was told they’re coming home for good and I didn’t find any reason to stay longer in their house. So with a heavy heart I decided to move out and made arrangement to stay with Mia temporarily.

And they came. I saw how everyone needed to be around one another to look after my uncle. His visitors come early morning and leave late in the evening. Since I sleep in the afternoons and they’re so many things going in the house, I hardly got a decent sleep in the past 2 weeks. If I keep on going to work with that much sleep, I was likely to get sick soon. I thought that moving out would really help me out. Selfish huh. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty. But I know other relatives could make better use of the room I was using.

I finally moved out on a cold rainy Monday morning. My aunt was crying when I left and said “mingawon man ko sa imo. Sorry kayo if nahassle ka. Always remember I love you very much”. I cried and laughed at the same time. When I was on my way to Mia’s I couldn’t help myself from crying in the cab. I know I’d sad but I didn’t know I’d be sadder. Sigh. My body’s kind of weak from lack of sleep and worries don't seem to leave me. I easily give in to emotions now.

I talked to Loumarie on the phone yesterday. I cried and my 11-year old niece was telling me things are going to be alright and that I should not worry since I would be going back “home” on weekends and our Boracay trip is in 3 days. Me love her.

New house, new beginning. Another chance to bond with Mia. We’re both sad and we promised to be each other’s beck and call these days.

PS
Oh on new beginning. I saw with a date the guy I cuddled up to and hugged on my birthday. I know he could be dating other girls but nothing bruises the ego more than the surprise of actually seeing him with another girl. But my ego is too big to even mope around over it. I’m cool. He’d always be remembered as the first stranger I kissed on one crazy hot summer night who eventually stayed a little in my life and made me smile and laugh (drama).

Sorta Fairytale Summer :)

Thu, 17 May 2007 20:55:30 GMT

Early part of the year was spent fixing my life. When your closest friends betray and hurt you, the pain is far worse than all the break-ups combined. It happened to me and I spent sleepless nights thinking over what happened. I couldn’t cry though because my tear ducts were too proud to produce tears. Then I took the biggest leap when I fixed things with my friends. I just want a peaceful life. And I want to think we kind of have a happy ending to that dramatic part of our lives :)

So there. I promised to make up for it and swore to make my summer as wonderful and memorable as I could. I wanted it to be all about me. Selfish huh. Just keeping drama away.

Since I’m such a simple boring girl that I have to wait for summer to come along to do things I wanted to do so much Now that summer is almost over, I want to think how I spent my summer.

* colored my hair
* did sleep overs
* go out every weekend (not! i don’t go out for 2 weekends yeey!)
* danced to my heart’s content
* met new friends
* bonded with old friends
* bonded some more with office friends
* got my own 'mini-team' with equally gorgeous members (hehe)
* kissed a stranger for the first time
* went to Jamaican night
* hooked up with someone and totally regretted it (this souns juvenile!)
* went on a loser date (just because i was late, the guy made me pay for MY dinner and he said he would see me home then made me pay the taxi ride)
* stayed in shangrila and had a fab time yoyen and family
* went to bantayan again
* dream of going home
* bought my own dvd player

Now that summer’s over, i wish that ive read some more books, bought CDs ive always wanted, spent more time with my nieces and nephews, called my parents and talked to my brothers more and have tended to my humble garden. summer made me crazy a little bit. to keep on the ground i NEED to go home (to keep my sanity and my vow of celibacy!). and i will be going home very soon. Yeey.!

bulol

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:12:15 GMT

sue me. i can't say these words without pausing and making an effort to say them properly (because im bulol!) : Indianapolis (i could say this word without having a POLICEman in mind), Minneapolis ( always end up saying Mi-ya-ya-polis), Wyalusing (i could never forget the first time i heard somebody said it as Wya-luuu-zing), Ayala (hay, i often say "you going to ayaya?")

my friend tin can't say the word executing. one manager i know can't say words with double Rs in them (like Ferrari).

another weekend unfolds...

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:02:51 GMT

my brothers are here!!!

pick up lines hehehe

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 23:15:28 GMT

1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

3. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, kasi lagi kita mamimiss..

5. Can i take your picture??
*** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for christmas!!

6. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

7. Lecture mo ba ako??
*** lab kasi kita..

8. Centrum ka ba??
*** kasi you make my life complete!!

9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal??
*** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** kasi type kita..

12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear..
*** i can't last a day without you!!

13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida..
*** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar??
*** single kasi ako eh..

15.Me lisensya ka ba??
*** coz you're driving me crazy..

16. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo??
*** may sira ata relo ko.. pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko..

17. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha! May alam ka pa bang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh..
*** kundi ikaw..

18. I'm a bee..
*** can you be my honey??

19. Nakakatakot diba ang multo??
*** pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko..

20. Am i a bad shooter??
*** coz i keep on missing you..

21. May lahi ka bang aswang??
*** ang pangit mo kasi eh..

22. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

23. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh??
*** kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad..

24. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary??
*** because you give meaning to my life..

25. Bangin ka ba??
*** nahuhulog kasi ako sa'yo..

26. Pustiso ka ba??
*** kasi, can't smile without you..

27. Pagod na pagod ka na noh??
*** maghapon at magdamag kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh..

28. Me butas ba puso mo??
*** kasi natrap na ako sa loob, & i can't find my way out!!

29. Anung height mo??
*** ha?? pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko..

30. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

31. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para i'm always right next to "U"

32. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

33. Nde tayo tao..Nde tayo hayop...
*** bagay tayo...BAGAY tlga tayo...

34. Ako ay isang exam...
*** kaya sagutin mo na ako...

35. Alam mo bang scientist ako??
*** at ikaw ang lab ko...

sweet tooth :o)

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 18:22:23 GMT

our dear tl came back from manila and before he left i told him to buy Krispy Kreme doughnuts. since i know he's really 'kuripot' i really BEGGED him to buy. and he came back with 3 boxes of KK doughnuts. yey! everyone is happy! :o) gotta have my sugar fix, chocolate iced kreme filled doughnut. i promise i won't be taking anymore anti-allergies to put me to sleep to make me feel better.

and i'm looking forward to chocolat's cake! yey!

now i sound like im looking forward to the manila trip. i'm not. i'm to lazy to get excited.

oh. sinulog celebration this week. is it alright that i complete my novena and go drinking after? sigh.

cupcakes cupcakes cupcakes!

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 23:18:46 GMT

can somebody take me to sonja's? :o)

... to my mother's disappoint...

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 18:07:12 GMT

You Are 60% Ready for Marriage

You aren't quite ready for marriage, but you're getting close.
You still have a few relationship issues to work out - whether it's with your current partner or someone new.

Are You Ready for Marriage?

chasing cars...

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 00:58:41 GMT

i'm all hyper again!

but i'm not taking any sugar-y stuff and all. because it's december.

it's almost Christmas.

and asean summit did not push through..

and it's weekend.

tom's our company xmas party and we'll go drinking after! yeey!

mark is playing my current fave song - chasing cars by snow patrol (who doesn't adore them and love 'grey's anatomy'???)

i'm happy!

... too much sugar

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 22:35:50 GMT

it's something sticky day today and i got a pack of trolli gummy bear and a pack of sour strips (as requested). and mark gave me a piece of tikoy with sweet ube jam filling. and i got really hyperactive.

my seatmates had to ask me to shut my mouth up. nyee. ok lang. it doesn't always happen anyways :o)

i'm excited to purchase my tickets for my short manila vacay this feb. hopefully my leave gets approved because the tickets are non-refundable.

oh. we're not going to SG for summer vacay. but i want to!!! we're going to palawan instead (daw). we'll see.

jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaay!!!

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 20:51:30 GMT

today is our Spa Day. i should be excited but i'm not. really. i've never been to Serenity Spa though i have tried their facial service when they were invited to come here in the office to offer everyone facial treats. i was not impressed then because i went home with itchy face which lasted for days. and it's true that first impression lasts. i hope i won't be disappointed with the sauna. gotta deal with the Spa Day since it's a for free! :p

* * * * *
also later, gift certificates will be given out as part of our rewards and recognition program (this is the company's program wherein each team is given a budget to reward each member's performance for the last quarter. the amount of moolah depends on the grade of the whole team. rewards are usually given in forms of GCs).

for the q2 r and r, i'm in-charge with glynes. she took care of computing the grades and identifying the members who should be rewarded. i'm getting a ps900-reward (body shop and starbucks GCs!). i was left earlier preparing the GCs. and iw as so happy not taking in calls (hurrah!). i made the envelopes and cards for all the GCs. i was feeling creative and i loved what i did! i'm just so proud of myself hehe. i actually had christmas on my mind while i was doing it. who isn't looking foward to christmas and wrapping gifts?

* * * * *
i just got promoted again :o)

Spook Up

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:22:34 GMT

it's Spook Up time here in the office. this year we're having a horror filmfest ("recreate a scene from any horror flick and get a chance to win Ps 25,000.!"). the team has chosen Silent Hill. hope our entry wins :o)

there's going to be a Team Costume Contest. and i still have nothing to wear. blah.

random thoughts

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 22:24:19 GMT

arnold
he took a month leave and i hope he's coming back. yup, i kind of miss him around. well, all other close guy friends here were 'taken away' from me and he's the only one left.

anywaze.

he sent me a text message the other day saying "frnd, got 2 admit u really r photogenic". he saw my bday pix from multiply. and that made me smile. when i got here in the office he sent me an email saying "friend, gwapa ka sa picture with your dad". lol. stalker. he brightened up my mood though. been feeling low lately. i'm glad he said what he said. sweet.

earlier i talked to him thru YM.

arnold : fwend, gotta talk to you. you wont believe what happened!!!
me : wazzup?? oh oh.. kinsa to pic imo gipost sa friendster. pretty girl.
arnold : akong gf.
me : ah. she's pretty. unsa man?

and he went on and on talking about his Bes (his "soulmate"). how they kinda raced on an empty road and ended up pulling up their cars. they talked. and held hands. helpless soul.

me : so did you get horny? hahaha
arnold : ikaw gyud! btw imo picture in 2 pis, makes guys horny!
me : so na horny sad ka???
arnold : don't start!
me : hahaha
arnold : mo ingon na sad ka "dili pwede kay incest".

i felt pretty! haha

* * * * *

pete
he's new friend. actually a friend of a friend who i'm pairing with my new gal pal, mia. he texted me at 2am. told him we're buying 'lunch' near his place. he said he couldn't sleep. i asked if he wanted anything to eat so we could drop it off. pass sa daw sya. i actually wanted him and mia to meet up that's why i made that random act of kindness :p

im scared...

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 21:26:35 GMT

... because i'm losing focus again

:((

No Ordinary Love

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 16:56:30 GMT

i'm bored again. and brain is simply empty.

mia is ditching pete because he's a "goody good boy". we simply can't appreciate every good person in this world, right? sad.

i got 3 pastillas, reese's chocolate and a pack of sugar-free lozenge. could not decide what i really want.

anyways, adele was singing this song. and i've always thought of this is one great make out song :o)

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you loveI gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you

When Did You Fall

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 20:43:19 GMT

since my birthday i really feel old. like ooold. well, i had been telling of my officemates im 26 (and sometimes 28 bwaha) and they simply just believed me (thanks to vitamin c and e?). when my birthday came a couple of weeks ago, it just hit me. it just doesn't feel right lying about my age now (lol).

anyways, i love this song.

When Did You Fall
You’re all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile and you turn your eyes away
C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at it’s joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it’s a beautiful surprise

Chorus:
When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let’s rewind
C’mon, let’s go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin’
Well I guess it don’t matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right there before my eyes
You’re my beautiful surprise

Chorus:

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we’ve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you’re looking at me
I’d better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

now is the time...

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 05:49:29 GMT

i never complained about work.

until now...

i need another rest...

i need fresh air...

i need a rest from the ego manian named bless and jeff...

i need my barkada... i miss them...

i need my family... i miss my brothers terribly..

silly old me :)

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 01:32:30 GMT

the guy's chinese. fair-skinned. easy to get along with.

i emailed him yesterday and borrowed his charger. i walked up to his workstation feeling silly all of a sudden. for crying out loud! how can i be flirting with somebody 6 years younger than i am! and he's not even THE type. he's fair-skinned!

i didn't care if his charger was not working though.

so i emailed him earlier that i was returning the charger. before i left, i fixed my hair and made a little retouch on my make-up. lol! so i took the elevator, went a floor below and shwing! he was not around! ohwellz, i said to myself. maybe later then.

after work, i went back to his workstation and there he was hanging around his friends, who are equally easy to be with.

i hope they're playing this saturday for the summer party! nah, i just missing hanging around some guy friends.

it's so silly talking about something (or somebody) when i know this will all pass.

today's ultimate wish...

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 08:21:55 GMT

i know it's too much to ask. and i will never get it...

i simply just want to be numb. numb. numb. maybe just for awhile. caring and thinking and worrying terribly consumes me.

all i want is a good night sleep.

spending another unholy Holy Week

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 01:37:32 GMT

for the most of my life, ive been my mother's companion for her Holy Week plans. this is the second time that im not spening holy week with her. but then im glad there's papa who never fails to tag along during the 'prosisyon'and the confession.

im spending the week here in the office. not just for the money and the extra holiday leave but i just opted to. why? i dont know really. if wing2 was around, id be in bantayan islands again, tipsy and groggy. such sinner.

i want to spend the holy week with my family next year. or be with people who really observe the week the traditional way.

~~~~~~~~~~

monday to wednesday
i worked. cried. cried. cried. work.

mommy joy : o, hubag lagi imo mata girl!
me : mommy, i feel like crying every time gyud!
mommy joy : ngee, full moon ba? hapit na imong period?
me : i have na uy.. bitaw uy, full moon.
mommy joy : hahaha buwanon man diay ka liwat nako!

thursday
spent the rest of the day with mekii and reagan at the grocery

reagan : gelle, walang kwenta mga binili mo!
me : d kse ako sanay dito sa ayala. d ko alam ano bibilhin.
reagan : may light tea, milk, yogurt ka and meron ka ring doritos, pringles and gatorade. walang kwenta!
me : e kse.. ah eh.. whatever!

friday
i miss wing2!

wing : cuz, wish you're here!!! so many boys dinhi uy!
me : lecha ka! asa ka?
wing : nako galera cuz! as in puerto galera. mas nindot pa sa bantayan!
me : cheh i hate you. sagdi lang d ka nako kuyogon sa bora!

~~~~~~~~~~
im hanging around reagan. it's his 22nd bday and i just want to do something nice to someone. since nobody else is here to celebrate his birtday with him, might as well be there for him :) hope God forgives me for going malling on Black Saturday. but im doing this for a good cause, right? :)

~~~~~~~~~~
im stalking my brother at Friendster. i didnt realize aian is Libra like me. bad sister.

i wish i could spend more time with my brothers. long enough for them to teach me how to skim board. long enough for dodong to remember his original thai rice recipe which i totally looove. i bought us a digicam. so im really excited to have them use it :)

i miss my papa and mama.

i wish papa will not look older this time. it's been 4 months.

because it's valentine's day (PST that is)

Tue, 14 Feb 2006 19:17:17 GMT

... i spent my day with sheila, who's getting married this saturday. i didn't know tagging along with the soon-to-be howard's wifey who's in near panic can be exciting and tiring at the same time. while at the wedding coordinator's office, she thought of suing the florist who refused to show the layout to her. but she did it in utter calmness. such a girl. definitely unusual hehe. it was a pleasure staying with her when she begged me too..

... i had weddings in my mind most of the day. so i shared this secret to an old friend about wanting to be married in this tiny chapel where vidor got married...

... i bought sly a tall mocha froccino

... the rest of the family went to dinner while i was left starving until i fell asleep.

... i can make an excuse that i still want to fall in love and that i still believe in fairy tales.

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 19:54:54 GMT

sometimes i feel my self drowning in frustration.

sometimes i pray that i become numb and not care about other people. ever.

sometimes i just want The Divine to tell me what to do when faced with confusion.

sometimes i wish i just listen and not ask for anything.

so i just pray harder to get calm.

nevertheless, i still look forward to a brand new day.

... to see my youngest brother graduate from college in few weeks...

... to finally take the boracay trip with the barkada

... to become a good daughter my parents want me to be

blah.

another girl thing

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 03:50:44 GMT

im feeling worthless. and helpless.

it's not easy being a girl anticipating the monthly event.

im feeling so down. even having my hair re-fixed did not seem to help.

better start wearing a mask and laugh my arse out.

**********

im so proud that candice is taking this stained glass class. she's just simply talented. and i just wish she moves out from her current 'home' and start dating :) she can even date that friend.

together for 30 yers :)

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 23:17:06 GMT

today is my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. and i just find it amazing that after all these years they still hold hands like young sweethearts. they'll renew their vows later.

~~~~~
christmas was great. i was not around last year so i had to make up for the lost time. spent it with family and friends. i finally got to spend time with my bestfriend guia. i was just extremely happy. and who would have thought that the night would end with a kiss from a guy who i never thought i'd kiss again :) im not sure though he really wanted to kiss me. spur of the moment. but it was good. thinking about it now makes my heart beat faster.

new year's day was spent with family and more friends. had an adventure with two of them. few hours spent with them was a long day of unforgettable fun. there was no kiss this time to end a great day. last moment with the guy didn't call for a kiss nor a touch of his hands. why? dunno. there seemed to be too much to say or do but you simply don't know how to start. i was just too dumb and scared to say or do anything that would make sense. went packing my things and i ended the night with a good cry.

i intentionally missed my flight the next day. would have seen the guy at the airpoirt, since we had the same flight schedule. i wish him well. and to hell (and back) to the girl who crushed his heart.

~~~~~
going back to work tonight. blah.

~~~~~
30 years of being together. wish them good health and more love. i love them with all my heart. truly.

what's better than singing to old alanis' songs with your brothers on your parents' wedding annversary :)